You know what…I think my little bubble world is made of steel. Actual steel. Not that cheap plastic cover that is moulded and painted to look like the real-deal, no, just the actual real-deal.
See, when I came here I wasn’t sure if my world of child-like positivity, endless energy and bad French accents (I like to call it Jess world) could sustain me. I wasn’t sure if my adventure-lust and bravado were real or just things that had just become so expected of me that I performed them on autopilot. I didn’t know if smiles and funny quips would be enough to charm people into looking after me and guiding me through my hopeless grip on the everyday necessities. In a way that’s why I wanted to come here- to cut loose all that has propped jess world up thus far and find out if I can run it on my own, or is it in fact just all front, and performance, or as it has so endearingly being called several times, unreal, delusional and frankly, ridiculous.
Well I have news haters! This place is as real as Bridlington Seaside!…without the druggies. After almost four months of isolation, of slowly removing all the props of my previous life, and rebuilding a support system that mainly is just me, I can say that not much has changed besides aesthetics. Jess world is rock-solid, real life, klinck klinck, knock on metal, the real-deal.
My apparently loveable incompetence has found me in the care of Jeff and his family, just like my friend at home he calls himself my PA…but in nice way…I don’t make him get me coffee or do my laundry or anything…although that is an idea…I find myself still entertaining children with my love of pirates, climbing trees and adventures, just this time it’s through the translations of a bewildered looking teacher and I can never be sure if the kids are laughing because they’ve told them the truth or some wonderful misinterpretation about me being a pirate and living up a tree- though either way is fine by me! I still make up songs as I go along and have random outbreaks of dancing, except now they happen in the classroom and have to involve the A,B,C. I’m still addicted to coffee, have bad taste in music and think that any problem in life can be solved by a calculated symbiosis of Shakespeare, Billy Joel and Elton John.
And so the conclusion I have come to is this…if I am doomed to an eternity of being deliriously happy and excited 99% of the time and remain naively hopeful, even though slightly hooked on caffeine, then I think I can handle a few people telling me I live in a dream world.
Yeah I do! It’s awesome…you should get yourself one!